Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Independent Woman...

We all know these women. They work hard, they have incredible drive, they are absolutely beautiful, they are intelligent, funny and are social butterflies that can light up a room. Yet, they are alone.

They know what they want out of life and work hard to get to where they need to be. They don't sacrifice time or feelings and do what is needed. Most of the time they're oblivious to the fact that they are alone. It's not present in the mind, occuppying themselves with events, making money, making connections. There is no time to dwell on things.

I've heard it time and time before. "I want a girl that can stand on her own", "I want a girl that can take care of business." Yet when men are presented with these types of women they crumble, the timings wrong, they don't know how to appreciate such a woman.

I read an article a little while back, about the idea that the dating pool for intelligent women is very small. For they all seek intelligent men, they don't want to date someone lower in intelligence. But men on the other hand, can date from both intelligent and non. They have a larger dating pool.

So why are they alone?

1. Timing. I believe that everything in life is based on timing. If I wasn't always late for everything, how different would my life be? The late twenties are the hardest times. They are all working hard, striving for successful careers, striving to understand the person they're meant to become. Most people have a few relationships under their belt. Some good, some bad, some incredibly awful. But the worst thing about is it is that it shapes how we feel about the other sex. Through experience I've always met the greatest guys... but after they've just gotten out of relationships. It's the hardest spot to be in. The mindset isn't there, they're still sorting through their issues. But they never want to let you go. They appreciate how amazing you may be and want to try anyways. It never works. Everyone needs time to clear their head and find themselves again. It's the very same thing vice versa.

If the right man comes along but doesn't have his own place, his own car, a career. We are quick to judge and move on. We are all waiting for that perfect guy. Most independent woman have most of these things, a place, a car, a career. They want someone who's established themselves and have similar goals and values. What ever happened to just being happy with what you have? We're all striving for perfection, but no one's perfect.

2. Schedules. We all know. Independent girls have the most ridiculous schedules you can imagine. They are social butterflies. They have a gazillion friends in a gazillion networks. They are outgoing and love to meet new people. They make promises and keep them. They like to be seen and work whatever position they can get to get a leg up. I've never met an independent woman that's had a lot of free time. Dating becomes extremely difficult. There is already not enough time in the day, now you have to fit someone in at regular intervals? A man therefore has to work around your schedule. I had an ex boyfriend whom I'd sometimes not see for 2 weeks at a time. It really never bothered me to much. I think the main idea is effort. Putting in that effort to see someone. Driving an hour to two, sacrificing a night out with the girls, learning to say no. The problem is sometimes this effort isn't seen. Some men aren't willing to wait around for your time. So even after driving 2 hours to see him, he may waste the entire time you spend together being mad at you.

3. Intimidation. Hate to say this, but independent girls work hard, we're tough broads. They know what they want and need. They work hard for success. They're headstrong, stubborn and put work above all else. The focus is always on making money. They don't need a man to take care of them. They are completely fine on their own. They walk with extreme confidence, even with a little swagger put in there. A man has to be very confident to be able to appreciate such a being or be capable of putting up with her schedule and straight forward attitude. If a man isn't there mentally, he can never understand why they work so hard. He can never appreciate the amazing things that she can do, because he's so preoccuppied comparing his own life to hers.

4. The "spark". I'm not saying there aren't great men out there. Willing and eager to be with these women. But the bottom line is, there needs to be a spark. You can't just be willing to settle for what is out there. An independent woman strives for more. There's no such thing as settling for the easy win. We do appreciate a good man. But we're all waiting for butterflies aren't we? Someone strong minded that will not stand in front of us or behind us, but rather next to us. I believe that people must be complete individually. You can't wait for someone complete you. Be that missing puzzle piece in your life. You have to know who you are and what you're looking for. There is no time for neediness. We're all looking for support, comfort, humour and intelligence. The best man for an independent woman is an independent man.

I am lucky enough to have had a perfect relationship. I know exactly what it takes to make a relationship work with an independent girl like me. I am very grateful for that. It's a basis of what all independent women seek. A strong man who can support his girl. In good times and bad. To let her shine, always knowing that when the roles are reversed she will be there to do the same. I don't believe in the idea that behind every successful man is a woman. I believe that each person is as strong and they walk hand in hand together...

Life is about risk and reward. You win some, you lose some, if you ever even get in the game. Sometimes it's easier to not try at all but whoever thought a life half lived is worth living anyways. Things don't go as planned, in life you improvise and do the best you can. Every person needs to be treated with a new slate. The past will always hinder the happiness that could be. There's no place for pride, no place for regrets. You don't want to look back on your life knowing that you've missed out on happiness with someone great because you were unable to let go of what others have done to you. The most valuable part of you is your heart. You put it out there with the greatest risk, hoping that you'll find someone who will keep it safe and warm. At times it may get crushed, beaten, so severely wonded that you'll never know if you could feel again.

I've spoken to a few of my independent girlfriends and we've all concluded to the idea that we sometimes think that we'll inevitably end up alone. If we were just a bit more simple, less complex, more submissive. We'd be happily married with children with a mundane career. But life just didnt' work out that way. We can't help the fact that we are driven, that we love to work, that we love to be social. But it does worry me. To look at others who aren't so flamborant, aren't so extreme with their personalities. If I wasn't so straight forward, more submissive. If I wasn't clear on my thoughts and feelings. Would life really be so amazing if I wasn't so... me?

The independent woman knows that the only person she could ever really rely on is... Herself. Being strong sometimes makes us feel so cold. Sometimes I feel as if I have no feelings at all. You learn to block out the sad things in life to such an extent that you forget how it is like to feel. But we also know that we are very loyal, very honest, very protective of the people we love. Sometimes we may not love ourselves, but our strong support systems cannot hide the fact that we love deeply and purely.

To all my independent women out there. Keep working hard, keep doing your thing. I always believe that good things happen to good people.

We only live once, there's no time to hold back, there's no time to regret. You just keep plugging away. You can't focus on the broken heart, no matter how many times it's been beaten down. Love fully and deeply. Life's too preceious to be wasted on things you cannot control. You just have to believe and hope that the right person for you will eventually come along and sweep you off your stubborn feet.


1 comment:

  1. so true, nga! great read...i'm going to share this with my roommates :)